Monday, February 23, 2009
A Friend
One of the best thing about being a mom is, you are also a friend. You get to build a friendship with your kids. They play with you and laugh at jokes with you. They listen to you and you would also listen to them. While growing up kids tells their moms all their secrets, even if it just a little one. I think a mom is a child's closest friend because mothers knows their kids better than anyone else. Right now my son is at the age where he is starting to know the meaning of friendship and what having friends is like. He is always telling me things like, mommy you are my friend and my buddy. When I ask him why I am his friend, he would say because I play with him and listen to him talk. As of right now I am probably his best friend because he is only 3 years old and I am the person who he is around the most. A mom can be supportive of her kids in the same way a friend supports a friend. Showing support could come in different ways, such as going to a friend's football game. When you attend their games, you are there cheering for them and is there to support them whether they win or lose. When someone is sad or need a shoulder to cry on, they always have a friend that they can count on to go to. Some times a child need their mom to be a friend rather than a mom. Moms would just have to figure out which part they have to play depending on the situation they are in. A mom does all the things that a friend could do and probably even more.
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Molinna:
ReplyDeleteWatch for pronoun and verb agreement issues; "they" is plural and should not be used for singular subjects like one person, be he male or female. Similarly, you add "would" in several places for no particular reason; this may be something you should look for specifically when proofreading.
Quotes should be set off with " " marks. The first word of the quote is capitalized if it is a complete sentence and not a partial quote.
More importantly, you may just have too many topics in this rather long paragraph. You seem to talk about at least three things: Mothers know their children better than anyone else, and so become best friends; your son relies on you because you listen to him and share his life; mothers act as reliable friends to their children. Each of these topics goes on for a few sentences, and they seem to overlap quite a bit. I think you might be better off cutting what is vague and unspecific and keeping what is specific detail -- the section about your son and what he says to you is the best part of the paragraph.
B-
"They listen to you and you would also listen to them. [remove WOULD; you want the verb in the second half of the sentence ("you would") to agree with the first half ("they listen")] While growing up [COMMA] kids [TELL] their moms [MOM; although you are talking about many kids, they each only have one mom] all their secrets, even if it [THEY; secrets is plural, so your pronoun must be plural] just a little one. I think a mom is a child's closest friend because mothers knows their kids better than anyone else. Right now [COMMA] my son is at the age where he is starting to know the meaning of friendship and what having friends is like. He is always telling me things like, [QUOTES AND CAPITALIZE "M] ommy you are my friend and my buddy. [END QUOTES] When I ask him why I am his friend, he would say [SAYS not "would say". Your verb "says" should agree with the previous verb "ask"] because I play with him and listen to him talk. As of right now I am probably his best friend because he is only 3 years old and I am the person who [WHOM] he is around the most. A mom can be supportive of her kids in the same way a friend supports a friend. Showing support could come in different ways, such as going to a friend's football game. When you attend their [ A FRIEND is singular, but THEIR is plural] games, you are there cheering for them and is [ARE] there to support them [again, plural should be singular] whether they win or lose. When someone is sad or [IN] need [OF] a shoulder to cry on, they [they is plural but you are agreeing with someone, so this should be "he" or "she"] always have [HAS, again singular not plural] a friend that they [HE] can count on [cut "to go to"]. Some times [SOMETIMES, one word] a child need[S] their [HIS or HER] mom to be a friend rather than a mom. Moms would [cut "would"] just have to figure out which part they have to play depending on the situation they are in. A mom does all the things that a friend could do and probably even more.